What about me?

I ask myself this question as I sit here typing while my son sleeps. After this rough year I've had I feel it's time to start figuring out myself again. There are two things at the top of my mind. Lose the baby/travel/stress weight and start running again. it's been 6 years since I used to run. I was training for a half marathon that I never made it too. I think it's time to make that goal again and actually follow it through. But first things first.... I have to get the motivation to make that first step.  I have been dealing with depression. Dealing with having a baby born 3 months early, 9 weeks in the NICU, packing up my wonderful life and moving to a new place completely empty of anything I am familiar with. I have never experienced depression before. Sure I've been sad, or had bad days, months or a crappy year. But nothing like this before. Nothing like the blow to my body, mind and emotions that this past year gave me. I am still crawling out of the hole. Thank God I didn't hit rock bottom. I got help before that. I had made a doctor's appointment to reevaluate my blood pressure meds and in the process broke down sobbing in the doctors office. She put me on an antidepressant. That certainly wasn't my intention for going to the doctor, but it has saved me. She said I was going through an adjustment period and rightfully so. She made me feel better that it was ok to get a little chemical help. I have always had this stigma about depression and taking meds for it. I don't want to be on a medication to make me happy. It seemed ridiculous. But now I understand and I am thankful. It has helped to give me some energy back and I don't feel like crying all the time. I am in a transition phase in more ways then one. I am transitioning to become happy on my own so I can go off this medication and become me again. For now though, it is my best friend.  This next month I am transitioning my son from breast milk to whole milk. Finally some freedom from the pump and I get some time back. I need to transition from eating crap (which I blame on the depression) to which I am addicted and start eating healthy again. Yes, I admit it. I am addicted to sugar and it needs to stop. I won't go into details about me eating a whole pan of brownies within a few days all by myself. If you see me you can tell that I ate that way! Those brownies and countless other crap is attached to my ass and stomach now. It's time for the intervention with myself. For awhile I didn't care, but my happy pill has made me start to care again. I live in Florida now for crying out loud. I need to look good in a swimsuit! Actually, more than that, I need to feel good about myself again then I can let go of the happy pill. So those are my goals. Start eating healthy and start running. Here's another issue. I am a Health Coach with Take Shape for Life. I am so far from looking and acting like a health coach. I don't want to be a hypocrite so I need to get myself back on track. Everyone falls off the wagon, plus I had a good excuse right? No, no more excuses. It's time to execute! So here's my plan. My son, Ryker turns 1 on March 7th. So that is my start day. It's a Monday so a perfect day to start my "new me" plan. Two weeks to go. I can do this!